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what will they think of next?
May. 19th, 2006 04:12 pmMy government is batshit insane in so many scary or destructive ways, it's easy to overlook the US Patent and Trademark Office, which is just being silly. I call your attention to:
http://patft1.uspto.gov/netacgi/nph-Parser?Sect1=PTO2&Sect2=HITOFF&p=1&u=%2Fnetahtml%2FPTO%2Fsearch-bool.html&r=1&f=G&l=50&co1=AND&d=PTXT&s1=7037243.PN.&OS=PN/7037243&RS=PN/7037243
It's a jump-rope simulator. The user can't trip over it because there is no rope. The inventors want people to enjoy the benefits of aerobic exercise and developing coordination and balance, even if they can't use regular jump ropes.
http://patft1.uspto.gov/netacgi/nph-Parser?Sect1=PTO2&Sect2=HITOFF&p=1&u=%2Fnetahtml%2FPTO%2Fsearch-bool.html&r=1&f=G&l=50&co1=AND&d=PTXT&s1=7021465.PN.&OS=PN/7021465&RS=PN/7021465
This one is a wedding-cake simulation, to be filled with birdseed or confetti. The prior art section says, "It has been a long-held tradition to celebrate the marriage of people who have become wed. A typical wedding celebration, or party, might involve a gathering of the friends and relatives of the newly weds at which a wedding cake is served." It goes on about real cake being traditional, but hard to make with all the requisite symmetries. I don't really blame the examiners' eyes for rolling all the way back in their heads.
http://appft1.uspto.gov/netacgi/nph-Parser?Sect1=PTO1&Sect2=HITOFF&d=PG01&p=1&u=%2Fnetahtml%2FPTO%2Fsrchnum.html&r=1&f=G&l=50&s1=%2220060071122%22.PGNR.&OS=DN/20060071122&RS=DN/20060071122
There is also patent application 2006/0071122, for a Full Body Teleportation System. The abstract is "A pulsed gravitational wave wormhole generator system that teleports a human being through hyperspace from one location to another." This was filed last month and has not been approved. I call your attention to the light cords connecting each vortex through the pineal gland to a separate hyperspace quantum well. Paragraph [0022] did something to my sense of mode, but I'm not sure what.
http://patft1.uspto.gov/netacgi/nph-Parser?Sect1=PTO2&Sect2=HITOFF&p=1&u=%2Fnetahtml%2FPTO%2Fsearch-bool.html&r=1&f=G&l=50&co1=AND&d=PTXT&s1=7037243.PN.&OS=PN/7037243&RS=PN/7037243
It's a jump-rope simulator. The user can't trip over it because there is no rope. The inventors want people to enjoy the benefits of aerobic exercise and developing coordination and balance, even if they can't use regular jump ropes.
http://patft1.uspto.gov/netacgi/nph-Parser?Sect1=PTO2&Sect2=HITOFF&p=1&u=%2Fnetahtml%2FPTO%2Fsearch-bool.html&r=1&f=G&l=50&co1=AND&d=PTXT&s1=7021465.PN.&OS=PN/7021465&RS=PN/7021465
This one is a wedding-cake simulation, to be filled with birdseed or confetti. The prior art section says, "It has been a long-held tradition to celebrate the marriage of people who have become wed. A typical wedding celebration, or party, might involve a gathering of the friends and relatives of the newly weds at which a wedding cake is served." It goes on about real cake being traditional, but hard to make with all the requisite symmetries. I don't really blame the examiners' eyes for rolling all the way back in their heads.
http://appft1.uspto.gov/netacgi/nph-Parser?Sect1=PTO1&Sect2=HITOFF&d=PG01&p=1&u=%2Fnetahtml%2FPTO%2Fsrchnum.html&r=1&f=G&l=50&s1=%2220060071122%22.PGNR.&OS=DN/20060071122&RS=DN/20060071122
There is also patent application 2006/0071122, for a Full Body Teleportation System. The abstract is "A pulsed gravitational wave wormhole generator system that teleports a human being through hyperspace from one location to another." This was filed last month and has not been approved. I call your attention to the light cords connecting each vortex through the pineal gland to a separate hyperspace quantum well. Paragraph [0022] did something to my sense of mode, but I'm not sure what.
