not a hero

[adrian_turtle]

In terms of hours or dollars, I haven't been tutoring much lately. In terms of how tiring it is, I've been doing a LOT. Fortunately, there are a couple of Boston University students taking the same chemistry class, and one of them thinks I'm such a good teacher he offers to TIP. He says the extra money is to take a Lyft to meet him at BU, but I usually just thank him for the cash and go home by subway and feet. That's why I was in the BU student union this afternoon.

There was an "Anarchist Book Fair" in the back corner, next to the bathrooms. Much as I like the idea of book fairs, of anarchist book fairs, I didn't have time or money to spend. I'm not going to raise my consciousness or study background material. I was there to duck into the bathroom and put bright blue thermal underwear under my clothes before going home. I was just tempted to have a quick little peek at the books, which seemed to be mostly zines, comics, t-shirts, and Kropotkin.

Then the Nazis showed up.

I was wearing my Superman underwear, but I did not do anything remotely heroic. My first thought was to stand very still and hope nobody noticed me, and my second was to run back into the bathroom. (That second thought was really dumb, because the bathroom was on the other side of the Nazis.)

A lot of the comics people crowded right in front of the doorway and stared at the Nazis. For a couple of very strange minutes, they just stared at each other. I think they kept a little space between the 2 groups, but I was far enough back that I couldn't see clearly. It looked like almost everybody (on both sides) had their hands up over their head the whole time. Not shoving, not trying to touch anything...just trying to get a good view for their cameras. When the Nazis ran up and started yelling, the room went quiet. Obviously the book-fair talk stopped, but people were also really quick to shush each other if somebody yelled an insult.

After those eerily quiet few minutes, the comics people in front started yelling "Nazis out!" and the rest of us took up the chant. It went back and forth, not quite taking turns in the dance, "Nazis Out!" moving forward and "Blood and Soil!" stepping back. Out of the meeting space, around a corner, out a back door. "And stay out!" with a satisfying slam.

I hope they'll stay out. I'm not confident of it. They might have taken off their masks, gone around to the front of the building, and been sitting down with coffee before my hands stopped shaking.

Comments

[jjhunter]

Standing your ground is pretty darn heroic to me. Please take extra good care of yourself for a bit; that would have shaken me too.

[the_rck]

::hugs:: That sounds terrifying. Wanting not to be noticed, wanting to retreat, both things make a lot of sense for self-protection. Knowing what one can actually do in that sort of situation is hard because of the sudden awareness of vulnerability, personal and for the people we love.

For a while, the word 'Nazi' got disconnected from its historical meaning in US usage. People knew, but it was history, wasn't it? I think that the word got to be like attaching 'gate' to every US political scandal. The problem is that the original definition still applies and labels people who are really fucking dangerous.

Knowing that there's a group out there that that wants you dead just for being who you are is a very real sort of chronic pain. On top of the others. Adding that they have done this before-- Well, whether or not any individual has actually hurt someone, yet, they're choosing that path and making pain and death more likely.

My compassionate side wishes that they'd all suddenly realize that they are monsters and don't have to be and then do the work of changing.

The rest of me wishes that the ground would open under their feet and devour them. Lightning from a blue sky would be good too and possibly easier to target properly.

::hugs:: Again.

[julian]

Wow.

I heard about this vua UHub, and winced.

But holy shit. Glad you're as OK as possible.

[mrissa]

I'm glad you were uninjured, but my God, what a thing.

[redbird]

Oh fuck.

And all the *hugs* you want, beloved.

[corylea]

Oh, no! How horrible! Somehow, I'd thought living in Massachusetts would mean we were in a Nazi-free zone. Really, if there were suddenly Nazis in the room, I think anybody who didn't wet their pants is probably a hero. :-)

I'm sorry you had to see that; it must have been horribly scary, and I'm not surprised that you ended up shaking.

There's some evidence from research on trauma that shaking is part of what helps us to recover after a traumatic experience. So please do allow yourself to shake as much as you need to, and don't try to suppress that reaction.

I'm glad cool heads prevailed, and there was no physical violence. *hug* But how horrible to be in the room with Nazis.

[adrian_turtle]

Thanks for the support. I always feel like I'm not doing enough.

[silveradept]

Well done on helping make your space Nazi-free. And also, that's a scary, scary thing to do, so take what you need to recover from that.

[naomikritzer]

Yeah, that.

[adrian_turtle]

It was scary even though they weren't aiming any of the viciousness at me. They didn't know I was there. Not the personal "I," or even the queer Jewish woman who believes in protecting refugees.

Well, whether or not any individual has actually hurt someone, yet, they're choosing that path and making pain and death more likely.

It's not just history. It's not just the former concentration camp guards tottering around, too old to do any more damage. I see people elsenet saying we can just wait for the horrible racists to die off, that the young people coming up have such admirable ideals...yeah, SOME of them have admirable ideals. But these guys didn't look that much older than the Parkland kids.

[adrian_turtle]

Thanks. I'm ok. Considering the setting, the people who went to the doorway probably included some experienced antifa folks. I'm glad they were there.

[adrian_turtle]

Thanks.

Really, if there were suddenly Nazis in the room, I I think anybody who didn't wet their pants is probably a hero. :-)

Well, it probably helped that I had just gone to the bathroom. One of the vendors was selling t-shirts with the words "Everybody Pees," but the words were under a row of icons (person in pants, person in skirt, person with one leg in each, person in wheelchair) suggesting a different interpretation.

We weren't going through an empty room, yelling "Nazis Out!" as they slowly backed away. A bunch of people were eating, or reading or whatever. I looked around to see if any of them would join in. (On either side.) Or get up and leave. The ones closest to me rolled their eyes and went back to what they were doing.

[adrian_turtle]

Thanks. It was pretty scary. I'm impressed by the people who go into that kind of confrontation on purpose.

[adrian_turtle]

I'd been trying to think of the right words to sum it up.

my God, what a thing

Ayup. That says it.

Thanks.

[amaebi]

I think, myself, that "enough" isn't a relevant concept, and is a dangerous one.

I thank you for this account, and applaud your steady-enough witness.

[amaebi]

And they appear as heroes to some, and are demonstrably ideology-infectious.

[cliff_diver]

It is really chilling that in a deep blue area of a blue state the open presence of White Supremacists is becoming more prevalent.

[adrian_turtle]

I've come to recognize that places are a lot more mixed in their attitudes than I used to think. There are spaces where it's not socially acceptable to SAY certain things...but people still think them.

You've seen the lawn signs and lapel buttons in my town. It looks very liberal, though of course it's Massachusetts...it's not surprising that a lot of my neighbors voted for Charlie Baker in hope that he would make the trains run on time. What's surprising was that 35% of Republicans quietly voted for Scott Lively in the primary.* What's shocking was that somebody brought a big Trump puppet to Town Day, and paraded it down the street to cheers.

Even the red states, that I used to think were entirely conservative...64% of Alabama voters went for Trump in 2016, compared to 40% of those in MA. 40% isn't negligible. Neither is 36%. I mention Alabama because I remember 20 years ago, when I chose between job prospects in Cambridge and Huntsville.

*Note to people from away: MA governor Charlie Baker is less bigoted than many Republicans. That's not saying much, though every little bit helps. Scott Lively, who opposed him in the primary this past spring, used to lead an anti-gay hate group.

[cliff_diver]

That's true, but there is also an "Overton Window" phenomenon happening, which is not at all surprising, and completely predictable when the Orange Menace took power and put that evil little racist Sessions in charge of the DOJ.