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adrian_turtleWhen my brother was 3, and I was 5, we were at a big family gathering where we overheard our great-aunts talking about his long dark eyelashes.
"Gorgeous lashes like that are wasted on a boy!"
"His sister's eyes are almost the same color; it's too bad they don't look like anything special without the long eyelashes."
"He's so adorable, with those dark lashes practically brushing the pages! Too bad he's not the girl."
I don't know if we were intended to hear. We were such little kids that I suspect they weren't quite thinking of us as human beings.
A few days after that party, my brother cut off his eyelashes. This was also considered adorable, because he used rounded safety scissors. (He knew he wasn't allowed to touch pointy scissors.) He doesn't remember doing it, much less WHY he did it. Any speculation about his reasoning has to be from the outside...I'm just glad he didn't hear them saying anything similar about the color of his eyes.
This past weekend, we were at another big family gathering. I haven't seen my nephews in more than a year, so I couldn't tell if the 4 year old is intrinsically shy, or if he was just overwhelmed by the loud music and crowd of strangers. It was immediately obvious (and not really surprising) that he is a beautiful child, with unusually long dark eyelashes. My aunt, who is his great-aunt, commented to me about his appearance:
"Look at those great eyelashes! Why did they have to be wasted on a boy?"
I couldn't tell if the little boy across the big table had heard her, or if he could hear me. My brother was only partway around the table, but the music was so loud he might not be able to hear us either. The only person I could be sure of answering was my aunt:
"They're not wasted at all. He's a beautiful little boy! And he'll probably grow into a very handsome man, just like his daddy did."
My aunt made a dismissive gesture. "Well, maybe. But nobody notices men's eyelashes. They're really important for women."
Yes. My pretty little nephew is growing up with a fair amount of privilege. I couldn't tell if my aunt was trying to talk about that privilege, or if she was just resentful. (And I was mostly interested in protecting the kid. And I had a migraine.) So I just sort of laughed and said, "You might not pay any attention to men's eyelashes, but they do contribute to the overall dreamboat effect." She kind of rolled her eyes at me, but didn't argue.
Then I suggested the little boy might follow in the footsteps of the cousin whose bat mitzvah we were celebrating. By all reports, the girl is kind and talented, as well as beautiful (I did not mention her eyelashes. Perhaps her mother will let her wear mascara soon, if the detail troubles her). Her friends seemed more impressed with her kindness and talents than her beauty, but that doesn't mean her beauty is wasted.
"His sister's eyes are almost the same color; it's too bad they don't look like anything special without the long eyelashes."
"He's so adorable, with those dark lashes practically brushing the pages! Too bad he's not the girl."
I don't know if we were intended to hear. We were such little kids that I suspect they weren't quite thinking of us as human beings.
A few days after that party, my brother cut off his eyelashes. This was also considered adorable, because he used rounded safety scissors. (He knew he wasn't allowed to touch pointy scissors.) He doesn't remember doing it, much less WHY he did it. Any speculation about his reasoning has to be from the outside...I'm just glad he didn't hear them saying anything similar about the color of his eyes.
This past weekend, we were at another big family gathering. I haven't seen my nephews in more than a year, so I couldn't tell if the 4 year old is intrinsically shy, or if he was just overwhelmed by the loud music and crowd of strangers. It was immediately obvious (and not really surprising) that he is a beautiful child, with unusually long dark eyelashes. My aunt, who is his great-aunt, commented to me about his appearance:
"Look at those great eyelashes! Why did they have to be wasted on a boy?"
I couldn't tell if the little boy across the big table had heard her, or if he could hear me. My brother was only partway around the table, but the music was so loud he might not be able to hear us either. The only person I could be sure of answering was my aunt:
"They're not wasted at all. He's a beautiful little boy! And he'll probably grow into a very handsome man, just like his daddy did."
My aunt made a dismissive gesture. "Well, maybe. But nobody notices men's eyelashes. They're really important for women."
Yes. My pretty little nephew is growing up with a fair amount of privilege. I couldn't tell if my aunt was trying to talk about that privilege, or if she was just resentful. (And I was mostly interested in protecting the kid. And I had a migraine.) So I just sort of laughed and said, "You might not pay any attention to men's eyelashes, but they do contribute to the overall dreamboat effect." She kind of rolled her eyes at me, but didn't argue.
Then I suggested the little boy might follow in the footsteps of the cousin whose bat mitzvah we were celebrating. By all reports, the girl is kind and talented, as well as beautiful (I did not mention her eyelashes. Perhaps her mother will let her wear mascara soon, if the detail troubles her). Her friends seemed more impressed with her kindness and talents than her beauty, but that doesn't mean her beauty is wasted.
