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At the end of the summer, there was a big meeting to define the specifications for my project. Ever since then, I've been trying to develop this material according to the specs as I remember them. It didn't occur to me to refer to the official document, written by the marketing guy after the spec review...not until I started preparing for tomorrow's project review and wanted to check deadline details ("next summer" is what I've been working towards, but I know there's an official date somewhere) and some of the secondary criteria that mostly boil down to ("must be at least as good as what we have now.") I was shocked to discover that, for the main criteria I've been designing towards, the official specification is very different than my memory of the spec review meeting.
It's not just a different number -- it's a different measurement approach. I have no idea which, if any, of the hundreds of systems I've tested comes close to this different spec. It's incredibly frustrating. I'm angry at the marketing guy for changing the spec from what we agreed on. I'm angry at myself for not noticing the change months ago. I'm even angry at myself for not trying to measure all possible qualities of every system I've considered (even though I know that would be ridiculous.) I'm afraid of looking foolish at tomorrow's project review.
I mentioned the problem to my boss, when we saw each other this morning. I was anxious about everything I'd mentioned above. And about the bigger issue of trusting my memory, though I didn't mention that part. I have a very good memory for conversations, and usually rely on it...but it's very hard to make anyone else believe something when I remember it happening, and someone else is denying it. I don't have the confidence to defend my memory, especially now that my mind is liable to play tricks on me (hallucinations or timeslips.) I'm still upset, even after so long, about all the times in my last job that marketing told research what to do, changing their minds in mid-stream with lots of personalized verbal abuse.
Today, my boss just said:
"Oh, don't worry about it. That document is supposed to record what we decided in the review meeting, not try to change it. Just go into the database and fix it. Lemme see...yeah, you're right. I don't know where he got that idea. The measurements you've been doing are definately the way to do this."
I am relieved out of all proportion. Especially because the review meeting is tomorrow.
It's not just a different number -- it's a different measurement approach. I have no idea which, if any, of the hundreds of systems I've tested comes close to this different spec. It's incredibly frustrating. I'm angry at the marketing guy for changing the spec from what we agreed on. I'm angry at myself for not noticing the change months ago. I'm even angry at myself for not trying to measure all possible qualities of every system I've considered (even though I know that would be ridiculous.) I'm afraid of looking foolish at tomorrow's project review.
I mentioned the problem to my boss, when we saw each other this morning. I was anxious about everything I'd mentioned above. And about the bigger issue of trusting my memory, though I didn't mention that part. I have a very good memory for conversations, and usually rely on it...but it's very hard to make anyone else believe something when I remember it happening, and someone else is denying it. I don't have the confidence to defend my memory, especially now that my mind is liable to play tricks on me (hallucinations or timeslips.) I'm still upset, even after so long, about all the times in my last job that marketing told research what to do, changing their minds in mid-stream with lots of personalized verbal abuse.
Today, my boss just said:
"Oh, don't worry about it. That document is supposed to record what we decided in the review meeting, not try to change it. Just go into the database and fix it. Lemme see...yeah, you're right. I don't know where he got that idea. The measurements you've been doing are definately the way to do this."
I am relieved out of all proportion. Especially because the review meeting is tomorrow.
