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dangling conversation, superficial sighs
Jul. 31st, 2004 10:47 amI'm going to be visiting my mother next week, and going to the first of the preliminary festivities surrounding my brother's wedding. (Why, yes. This means I'll be away from Boston for the Flea *and* Worldcon.) I'm going to be interacting with people I don't really know in both formal and informal situations. In the August situations, the only people I expect to know will be my mother and two of my aunts.
Unfortunately, I'm having trouble conversing with my mother these days.
We can't talk about books, because she doesn't read books anymore. (She stopped reading novels in the 1970s, I think, though there were about 15 years after that of saying she loved to read if she could only find time to get to her to-read pile.) We can't talk about television or movies, because I can't watch it. And I'm really sick of the "Oh, what a terrible handicap it is not to be able to watch tv! If only you could have seen the last episode of Extreme Makeover, I'm sure you would have been amazingly moved!" type of conversation.
We can't talk about politics, because each of us finds the others politics frightening, as well as morally and philosphically abhorrent. I have to be careful about conversations that might lead to a political scene. Like mentioning anything that has been mentioned on the news, including pollution, or transportation security, or privacy concerns.
Talking about health is iffy, because I really don't want to talk about weight loss. Some talk about health is going to be required, because hers is increasingly fragile, and mine isn't great either, and we need to accomodate stuff...but I don't want to chatter about it socially with her. And I don't trust her to recognize the difference between "thin" and "healthy."
Talking about clothing is iffy, because I still don't want to talk about body image and weight loss. And I don't trust her to recognize the differences between "thin" and "attractive" and "fashionable." Though I have to recognize she has a very good eye for color and proportion, and the outfits she's picked out for me have been some of the most flattering I've ever worn. And clothing topics are, at least, less fraught than whether or not the US should be torturing detainees.
I don't want to talk about my social life. As far as she understands, men and women pair off romantically, and the relationship progresses towards a monogamous life partnership, or towards collapse. Her mind can stretch as far as same-sex couples, certain of their homosexuality, who pair off neatly. But she hasn't imagined a world with stable polyamory, or long-term intimate friendships that may or may not come with a side-order of romance. I don't feel close enough to her that I feel any obligation to enlighten her. So I expect my relatives will be trying to fix me up, me still being completely unattached at my age. *rolls eyes*
Can anyone suggest safe, innocuous, topics of conversation? I'm not trying to have a good time at these events. I'm trying to be polite and not make a fool of myself. I don't want to seem distant or withdrawn, and I want to avoid making a scene, either by triggering a rant or losing my own temper. Being bored counts as a win!
Unfortunately, I'm having trouble conversing with my mother these days.
We can't talk about politics, because each of us finds the others politics frightening, as well as morally and philosphically abhorrent. I have to be careful about conversations that might lead to a political scene. Like mentioning anything that has been mentioned on the news, including pollution, or transportation security, or privacy concerns.
Talking about health is iffy, because I really don't want to talk about weight loss. Some talk about health is going to be required, because hers is increasingly fragile, and mine isn't great either, and we need to accomodate stuff...but I don't want to chatter about it socially with her. And I don't trust her to recognize the difference between "thin" and "healthy."
Talking about clothing is iffy, because I still don't want to talk about body image and weight loss. And I don't trust her to recognize the differences between "thin" and "attractive" and "fashionable." Though I have to recognize she has a very good eye for color and proportion, and the outfits she's picked out for me have been some of the most flattering I've ever worn. And clothing topics are, at least, less fraught than whether or not the US should be torturing detainees.
I don't want to talk about my social life. As far as she understands, men and women pair off romantically, and the relationship progresses towards a monogamous life partnership, or towards collapse. Her mind can stretch as far as same-sex couples, certain of their homosexuality, who pair off neatly. But she hasn't imagined a world with stable polyamory, or long-term intimate friendships that may or may not come with a side-order of romance. I don't feel close enough to her that I feel any obligation to enlighten her. So I expect my relatives will be trying to fix me up, me still being completely unattached at my age. *rolls eyes*
Can anyone suggest safe, innocuous, topics of conversation? I'm not trying to have a good time at these events. I'm trying to be polite and not make a fool of myself. I don't want to seem distant or withdrawn, and I want to avoid making a scene, either by triggering a rant or losing my own temper. Being bored counts as a win!
